positive attitude status | Benifits of positie attitute | self esteem means

SELF-ESTEEM Building a positive attitude

What is the difference between being touchy and being sensitive? 

Touchiness is the cactus approach: Touch me and I will hurt you. Being sensitive is the positive approach, the caring approach. Many times the two are used interchangeably. People say be careful when talking to so and so, he or she is very sensitive. What they are really saying is that the person is touchy, so be careful.

 • They have negative expectations of themselves and others and are seldom disappointed in those expectations
 • They lack confidence.

1. They constantly seek approval and validation from others. Seeking approval is different from seeking a second opinion, which really means consultation.

2. They brag about themselves – a sign of lack of confidence.

3. They exhibit submissive or timid behaviour. These are the people who constantly apologize for their existence. They are always putting themselves down, which is different from being humble. Humility comes from confidence whereas putting yourself down comes from lack of it. A person who lacks confidence cannot be an effective leader. Others sense this lack of confidence, which results in a lack of respect.

 4. They lack assertiveness. People with low self-esteem are not willing to stand up for their beliefs. On the other hand, being unduly aggressive is also a sign of poor self-esteem. Being aggressive in situations that require compassion does not amount to assertiveness.

 5. Their lack of confidence results in conformist behaviour. The thinking is, if everybody is doing it, then I should too. Every day we see people giving in to peer pressure, knowing full well what they are doing could be detrimental to themselves or others, yet they do it to be accepted. People with low selfesteem go along to get along. They are looking for outside validation because they lack confidence in themselves.

Our Greatest Strength Can Become Our Greatest Weakness 

Any strength overextended becomes a weakness. For example, in sales, good speaking ability is a strength. It is not uncommon to see sales people with good speaking ability talk themselves into a sale, then talk too much and talk themselves right out of the sale. Their strength got them into it; however, overextended, it became a weakness and they lose the sale: Listening is a strength. Overextended, however, it could mean that a person listens a lot but does not speak enough. It becomes a weakness.

Our Greatest Weakness Can Become Our Greatest Strength 

Anger is a weakness. How can it be turned into a strength? One lady demonstrated by getting MADD! MADD stands for Mothers Against Drunk Driving. This woman lost her child because of a drunk driver. She got so angry that she resolved that society should not tolerate this kind of irresponsible behaviour. She organized people all over the United States to fight drunk driving. She and her association, with thousands of members, became a significant force and succeeded in their pursuit to change legislation in Congress and various state legislatures. That is an example of turning a negative emotion, like anger, into a strength by doing positive. She converted her anger into a resolution.

 Have Patience 

Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success. – Brian Adams A lot of times we hear people saying that one exposure to a positive or a negative material does not have any impact. That is not true. The difference may not be visible, but something is happening.  In China there is a bamboo tree that is planted, watered a fertilized for the first four years and nothing happens. There is no visible sign of growth. But sometime during the fifth year, the bamboo tree grows about 90 feet in six weeks.

 The question is: Did the bamboo tree grow in six weeks or did it take five years to grow? If the bamboo had not received water and fertilizers during the four years when there was no visible sign of growth, would the plant had flourished? No. The bamboo tree would have died.

 The lesson is clear. Have patience and faith and keep doing the right thing. Even though the results may not be visible, something is happening. Caution: We must distinguish between patience and laziness. Sometimes a person may be sheer lazy but they might think that they are being patient. A good beginning makes a good ending. – English proverb

Here are some comparison characteristics of people with high and low selfesteem
High Self-Esteem	Low Self-Esteem
Talk about ideas	Talk about people
Caring attitude	Critical attitude
Humility	Arrogance
Respect authority	Rebels against authority
Courage of conviction	Goes along to get along
Confidence	Confusion
Concerned about character	Concerned about reputation
Assertive	Aggressive
Accepts responsibility	Blames the whole world
Self-interest	Selfish
Optimistic	Fatalistic
Understanding	Greedy
Willing to learn	Know it all
Sensitive	Touchy
Solitude	Lonely
Discuss	Argue
Believe in self-worth	Believe in net worth only
Guided	Misguided
Discipline Distorted	sense of freedom
Internally driven	Externally driven
Respects others	Looks down on others
Enjoys decency	Enjoys vulgarity
Knows limit	Everything goes
Giver	Taker
The objective of this list is to provided a basis for self-evaluation, not to produce guilt.  It is not necessary to have all the high self-esteem traits. Some characteristics may be present to a greater or lesser degree.
So long as we are able to recognize
our goals, we can make an effort to improve ourselves. Learn Intelligent Ignorance  Education teaches us what we can do and also teaches us what we cannot do. I’m looking for a lot of men with an infinite capacity for not knowing what cannot be done. – Henry Ford Henry Ford gave this world the V8 engine. He did not have much formal education. In fact, he did not go to school beyond the age of 14. He was intelligent enough to know that a V8 engine would be of great value to his company but he didn’t know how to build it. So he asked all his highly educated or qualified people to build one.  According to them, a V8 was impossible to build. But Henry Ford insisted on having his V8. A few months later he asked his people if they had the V8 and they replied, ‘We know what can be done and we also know what cannot be done.  The V8 is an impossibility.” This went on for many months and still Henry Ford said, “I want my V8.” And shortly thereafter the same people who said it was impossible produced his V8 engine. Why? They let their imagination run beyond academic limitation. Education teaches us what can be done and sometimes also teaches us false limitations.  THE BUMBLEBEE  We need to learn from nature. According to scientists, the bumblebee’s body is too heavy and its wingspan too small for it to be able to fly. But the bumblebee doesn’t know that and it keeps flying. When you don’t know your limitations, you go out and surprise yourself. In hindsight, you wonder if you had any limitations to begin with.  The only limitations a person has are those that are self-imposed. Don’t let education put limitations on you.

Become Internally Driven, Not Externally Driven 

One day, if someone gets up on the right side of the bed and calls me and says, “You are the greatest person on earth. You are doing a great job and I want you to know I am honoured to call you a friend,” I know he is sincere. How does it make me feel? Great. But the next day, he gets up on the wrong side of the bed, picks up the phone and says, “You rascal, you cheat, you crook! You are the biggest fraud in town.” How does it make me feel? Terrible.

So the first day when he says “you are the greatest guy,” I feel great and the next day when he says “you rascal,” I feel terrible. Who is controlling my life? Obviously, he is. Is that the way I want to go through life? Not at all. That is being externally driven. I want to be internally driven.

When he calls me and says I am the greatest guy, it is good to hear those words. But even if he doesn’t say those words, in my own estimation, I am still a good human being. And the next day when he rips me apart, while his words may initially sting, he can’t bring me down, because in my own estimation, I am a good human being. When a person makes statements like, “You make me angry,” the focus of control is external. But if he says, “I am angry” or “I choose to be angry”, the focus is internal.

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. – Eleanor Roosevelt 

There is a story about an ancient Indian sage who was called ugly names by a passerby. The sage listened unperturbed till the man ran out of words. He asked the man, “If an offering is not accepted, who does it belong to?” The man replied, “It belongs to the person who offered it?” The sage said, “I refuse to accept your offering,” and walked away, leaving the man dazed. The sage was internally driven.

 So long as we blame outside sources, our miseries will continue and we will feel helpless. Unless we accept responsibility for our feelings and behaviour, we cannot change. The first step is to ask:

 • Why did I get upset?
 • Why am I angry?
• Why am I depressed?

Then we start getting the clause to overcome them. Happiness is a result of positive self-esteem. If you ask people what makes them happy, you will get all kinds of answers. Most of them would include material things but that is not really true.

 Happiness comes from being and not having. One can have everything in life and yet not be happy. The reverse is also true.

Happiness is internal. Happiness is like a butterfly. If you run after it, it keeps flying away. If you stand still, it comes and sits on your shoulder.